March 30, 2006
the bee's knees...
things i've noticed:
it feels good to wear chuck taylors with no socks.
its easy to miss mundane everyday things that you only notice once they are gone.
warm spring days can still be lonely.
i could never forget the last line of catcher in the rye.
hurry up and wait, you'll do a lot of this, and it doesnt feel good.
sitting at the bus stop is better than standing, as long as the ground is dry.
laughing is priceless.
March 29, 2006
make it mine...
empty pages
empty bottles
empty glasses
empty lines
muddy tires
empty smiles
empty hellos
empty matresses
empty goodbyes
the missing
empty sighs
empty eyes
empty lungs
empty minds
where are you tonight?
March 28, 2006
you wont find the truth...
The ante was just upped today. My grandmother had one of her regular and almost weekly “check-ups” and the outcome was not good. Her weight is now down to 73 pounds. That means that the chances of me walking in the door and finding her dead just increased. And her doctor is an idiot and no one in our family is grasping the severity of the situation.
At the end of last summer she was put on an “anti-depressant” which is not FDA approved for weight gain, but is a possible side affect. She has lost weight, instead of gaining. You don’t have to go through medical school to know it is not working. Her son, shrugs all of this off. I seriously don’t think he has a single serious thought about it, and her oldest daughter, states away, seems too preoccupied with her retirement to even pretend to care. She has 6 grandchildren, myself included, and I have been the only one of them to play any consistent role in her life since these problems began.
A person can only survive at 73 pounds for so long. Family is planning a trip to see her at the end of April and I have a feeling it might the last time they see her alive, at this rate. They call and check in time to time, send their greeting cards and gifts, thinking that it might show they care. But really, it is not enough. I have gotten to literally watch her, day in and day out, waste away to nothing. And it’s not okay. At least not with me.
As a whole, a majority of my family has been a huge letdown. I know my mother here, taking part in this as well. But when it seems like everyone else is sitting back watching someone else do all the work, it’s hard to feel good about them. I like to call it a family of convenience. I am only family, she is only family when it is convenient for them. To me that isn’t a real family. They either don’t care that much or just oblivious.
I feel like I’m drowning again.
March 26, 2006
youre gonna like this...
5 uses for Lysol:
1. bugspray
2. mase
3. deodorant
4. component to a blowtorch
5. de-icer
March 24, 2006
factory direct...
i rode about 7 miles tonight. i was about a half a mile from home, and of course i ended up hitting my Patella (kneecap) and im not even sure how. i went a whole 6 and a half miles without anything happening. wtf. its still hurting. and even going on the ride in the first place was as much of a chore as the knee thing. man. sometimes i wonder. but all the same, it stil brings me back.
March 20, 2006
March 19, 2006
March 17, 2006
the prettiest sounding toms...
its st patricks day. im not excited, because it means nothing to me.
so last night, i was coughing, and i coughed so hard, i threw up in my mouth. it was really gross and i was sitting at my computer. i was going to run into the bathroom, but no matter how clean a toilet is, i just cant stand to have my mouth near them. so i ran outside and spit it out in the bush on the side of my porch. it reminded me of fourth grade, when i threw up in my hands. it was on the way to p.e. class. actually it was right outside the gym. i had peanut butter crunch for breakfast that morning. i know thats really gross, but its just a memory i thought of.
March 16, 2006
cables out...
so, i was going to see wilco, but i am not going now. that guy, don, was like "i know a couple who might want them." when you say that to me, you are really saying "will you just say you dont want them so i dont feel bad?" even though you might not being saying that, its just how it sounds. i called andrew and i thought he wanted to go but he never called me back. andrew is slow. i talked to kate the other night and she seemed annoyed talking about the tickets. i think its funny. im an asshole.
i hung out with ed last night. we went and saw a scary movie. it was scary. hes really nice. but i dont call him ed, i call him Botany. because he likes plants. i took some more pictures of him, i will post those soon.
the cable is still out so i have been sitting on the computer for about a zillion hours filling and wasting time. i dont watch tv really, but when its gone it makes you just want it.
March 15, 2006
march 2006 tornado and the days after...
this is my garage, its relatively new. a bunch of my stuff is in it. its too unstable to go in, besides i wouldnt know how to begin to get in. i think a lot of my stuff has been damaged inside. my bike is in there too, and anyone who knows me, also knows how much i love my bike.
i will post more pictures soon.
update:
this is a car in my neighborhood.
this is the main power pole to the skate shop, completely snapped about a foot from the bottom. hopefully they have or are getting ready to put the new pole in soon.
March 13, 2006
the calm before the storm...
its a little after midnight. im not sure if it was really a tornado or just what is known as straight line winds. but there are trees and branches everywhere. the power is out and they are saying another front will probably come through in another few hours. and possibly another wave after that.
hopefully god is watching over our town the rest of the night.
