March 19, 2003
sigh1.alc
where does the time go? its already about 2 a.m. and i still need to do my laundry. i dont know what happens to me this late at night that makes me want to just sit and stare into nothingness, thinking unfinished thoughts and feeling unfinished feelings. drinking soda that upsets my stomach. watching howard stern. how low can i get?
poor Ladd, last night, his car got towed from behind Timmy's studio. and they are holding it for 24 hours, and he is staying at Steve's old house with Troy. Which is on the other end of town. so Ladd is staying at Miles' tonight, on the couch in the living room. he hasnt showered in days and smells like moldy socks wet with lake water stuffed in a plastic bag.
i got a letter from Ty yesterday. i read the first paragraph then quit. Im not sure if its because im scared of what it might say, not that i expect something like that, but he isnt in the country and is in the military, and you never know what tomorrow will bring for him. im so scared for him. i love him, he is my best friend, and at this rate will always remain so, but im still so scared. i feel like in my way all these years i have attempted to protect him from or at least give him some type of assurance and he sounds so sad. i dont want to let him down. i know i wont. sigh.....
the washing machine is whispering for my attention.....till next time.
