My Alibi

Goodbye Sky Harbor

its 3 a.m. and i've been researching and reading for a while now. i just took a break to go to the bathroom, looked out the back door on the way up and noticed all the fog. it reminded me of so many days i've seen. literally and mentally, but mostly literal. thought it would be worth making a note of to myself. Madison is sick, again or still, i dont know? he was tilting his head more and more, and his arms and legs really started twitching and jerking. it seemed out of his control. he couldnt sit still in one spot for too long. he finally fell asleep on the bedroom register. one of his favorite spots to nap in. with his little sleeping bag to rest on so his feet dont slip though the vent. its actually quite cute. over the past 13 or 14 years i have memorized everything about him. the way he says hello to the way he says hold me, to the expressions on his face. and it breaks my heart into a million pieces over and over again when i see him like this. im glad he is sleeping. just thinking about it, how much time we have spent together, how we've rested side by side all the times i was sick. or sad, or angry. the way those crystal blue eyes pierce me everytime he looks in my direction, he sees so far through me, that i dont exist. he always just knew. i remember when we first started living together how he hated me to come near him. little hands and spunky independence dont mix well. those little hands now grown into their own have seen alot of bloodshed and battle scars over those 14 years. some lessons learned and others not. how do you watch your best friend hurt, how do you let go, how do you say goodbye? or maybe you dont have to, perhaps a "see ya later" will do. and i would really like to hope it is and will be that easy. you try and prepare yourself for the worst, but you never really know what will happen till it does, let alone how you will act and react. i used to think he was my guardian angel. maybe he still and is trying to tell me something. that no matter what happens, oxygen permitting, i will see tomorrow, and tomorrow will always be there, and it may not be the same as today or yesterday but it will always be there or here. however you like to look at it. i think this is the first time i have looked at it this way. so i leave on this note. a sigh for me and a sigh for you.